


Swing Low Sweet Chariot

by FeathersOnTheLeather



Category: Prison Break
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Incest, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 18:39:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4575429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeathersOnTheLeather/pseuds/FeathersOnTheLeather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Little piece set after episode s02e17. Teddy is lonely and figuring out where to go from here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Swing Low Sweet Chariot

**Author's Note:**

> Thought maybe since Prison Break was going to be coming back next year that I would re-upload my old Prison Break fics...Prison Break fic was the first fanfiction I ever wrote! These are old. Be gentle haha.

I always thought that when the time came when I had to this it would be easy. Granted, I never imagined it would actually come to this point, and if it did, I never figured it would be so soon. But what's the point now? What have I got left? Susan and the kids are gone. Jimmy's gone. Maytag's gone. All of em' taken from me with no regard for the fact that I would be left all alone with the world. The world is a big scary place, and she don't smile kindly upon a murderin' rapist now does she? Oh boys, all them there psychiatrists are gonna' have a field day with this one. They treated me like a fucking lab rat anyway. They gonna' cream their jeans once they get their hands on this. I suppose I better give em' something wothr reading then, hadn't I? 

Beer has only touched my tongue once and after one mouth full I threw up all over Jimmy's truck. Even the smell of the rancid shit turns my stomach. That's cause Daddy drank beer and beer is part of what turned Daddy into that monster. The monster who liked to rape and beat and spit and cuss. Made him break me and make me bleed. Made me empty and shattered. I loathe him. I hate him. Hate everything he did and all of the things he didn't do. I was so happy when the rotten bastard died. It brings me great joy to know he's rotting in the bug infested dirt. 

I hate what I do to myself as well. I hate shooting all that stuff into my veins, but it helps me escape the memories and the nightmares and the terror. It makes me brave. It makes me untouchable. I like to torture people. I like to fuck with their minds and get inside their heads. Bend them to my will and break them to build myself up. I like to break them and make them bleed and scream and beg. Everyone thinks I have no remorse though. That I don't care about the lives I snuff out. At the time I don't, but afterwards I realize that I am just like him. After all the hatred and the oaths that I would never be like the useless fuck, I'm just the same. Raping and beating. What can you expect though? I'm just the inbred seed of a redneck father and his retard sister. You never expected any better, did you? I was set up for failure from the very start. That's what I am. A sin. An abomination. The spawn of a too-shallow gene pool. A plague on this very earth. However, I am the last. It stops with me. Once I am gone this vile seed of the Bagwell's will be wiped from this planet and everyone can breathe a sigh of relief. 

All my life I have been demeaned and tore-down to the lowest. Scum. Retard. Cousin-fucker. Queer. Daddy's little cock-sucker. Fag. I've never considerd myself a queer, but that's what I am, ain't I? I'm a fuckin' queer. I never planned on screwin' around with Jimmy. But Jimmy was the first person to ever care. It didn't matter that he was kin. It didn't matter tht he was a guy. He loved me. But, now Jimmy's gone. Him and his baby son. Abruzzi did that. I suppose that don't matter, cause Abruzzi is gone too. But him, god-fearin, bible-thumpin Abruzzi had an innocent man and his precious little boy gunned down like common criminals. What a fucking hypocrite. I hate hypocrites. They say it makes it easier if you forgive. You can move on if you forgive. How the fuck do you forgive a man who killed the only person you ever loved and then lobs your fuckin hand off with a fuckin axe? I'm glad he's dead. I wish he had of died when I had slit his fuckin' throat. Yup. That was me too. Not like you'll be able to do anything about it now though, eh? 

Then there is Scofield. 

I suppose, him I have to thank. He got me out of that concrete cess-pool. All be it grudgingly, but still. I think Pretty may just be the first person I have ever admired. He was a genuine good man, and there ain't many of those left. Have a little faith, he said. That's easy for him, with his brains, and good looks and that big, burly brother of his beside him, and gettin' all that lovin' from that good woman doctor. See, that there, with Pretty and Sink, that's how famalies are supposed to be. Carin', and always lookin' out for each other. Never givin' up. Not molestin' and bustin' teeth and treatin' you like nothin' but trash. The one shining time in my life was the time I was with my Susie-Q however. 

Now that there was one good woman, and we could of had a beautiful life together, but she got spooked. She thought that man that killed all them kids down in 'Bama was the same man that was sittin' at her dining room table. I would never hurt Susan, and I would never lay one single finger on them precious kids. But, they turned her against me and she was scared. Suppose, I can't really blame her. I knew she dind't want to go with me, back to my home, but I thought if I could just get her there, just make her see...see that I was changed and that I loved her and that it hurt so bad that she would even think I would do such vile things to her children. I thought if I told her about Daddy...about growin' up that she might understand, that she might see why I was such a broken and twisted man. She didn't understand though. No one understands what that kind of upbringin' can do to a boy. So, I let her go, even though it damn near killed me to do it. But, I wanted Susie to be happy, and she was never gonna' be with me. So, I called the cops. Told them where they were. I was long gone by then. I did the last few things that I needed to do, and now we have come to this point. 

Tell my Susie-Q that I just can't make it in this big lonely world without her. She was the only thing that kept me going. Tell them kids that I loved them, and to let their Momma know that I was never anything but good to them. Make sure this reaches them shrinks at Fox River. They've been waiting a long time for a glimpse into my mind. I thought I'd be more scared when it came to the end. But, I guess I'll get to be with Maytag now, and I really did care for that boy. Tell Scofield I forgive him for that. I suppose ya'll be wonderin' whatever happened to all that there money? Well, Scofield will know. Whether he'll tell you is up to him. Just tell him to go bird watching...and to follow that Europeon Gold Finch. He'll know what I'm talkin' about. I'd rather not be buried in the Bagwell plot, but that'll be up to whoever takes care of that sort of thing. That's it, I suppose. That sweet chariot has finally come to carry me home.

Theodore Bagwell


End file.
